The Issue of Attraction

Call it trust issues if you want, but in my opinion it's nearly impossible for a girl and a boy to really be friends. Now considering the fact that my best friends are boys I confess I am a bit of a hypocrite. But every time a girl and a boy reach a certain point of intimacy they are face with the same problem. The issue of attraction. I have had exactly two friendships with boys that never contained any point of uncertainty (one of those boys is my best friend but he is very VERY gay). You can be the best if friends but when that day comes where one of you feels more than the other, tread carefully. It's a horrible day when you realize you've lost a friend because you couldn't love him the way he wanted you to. My advice, confront the situation. Leading them on will only end in resentment. If you tell them as soon as possible, keep them from hoping, you might have a chance. But nothing feels worse than hurting someone you love, because they want more from you than you can give them.

Friends With Benefits

First I'd like to say that the idea that boys are hornier than girls is RIDICULOUS. I recently went from having regular sex to a two month dry spell and honestly the lack of sex was more difficult than the break up (and the break up was pretty tough). Anyway, I've recently fallen into the 'I'm sleeping with my ex' trap, which despite being the worst idea ever is a lot of fun. But I mean, is it the worst idea really? At some point in a everyone's life, they will probably consider a friends with benefits situation. Of course the Hollywood cliche involves you falling in love, and the real life cliche is that it ends really badly, but in some situations, FWB might be the best idea you ever had. Thing is, to make something like this work, the conditions have to be perfect.

Condition #1: You cannot, under any circumstances, be friends with this person. If you two aren't fucking, you tolerate each other at best. And I don't mean 'we don't know each other that well so we're not friends'. I mean a tested and proven inability to like each other. And don't try the 'we're friends but I don't feel that way about you so we won't end up with feelings for each other' nonsense. Maybe you won't get real feelings, but sex complicates things. So no grabbing food after, or hanging out at someone's party the next day. No texting, or cuddling, or anything other than sex. For best results: ensure there is not, and never will be, any sort of relationship to ruin.

Condition #2: Don't kiss and tell. I mean, this is standard protocol for any physical encounter but come on; if I know how big your dick is, so does my best friend. In a FWB situation, avoid falling victim to expectation. When you tell people, you're getting them involved. There will be judgments, questions, and worst of all expectations. They'll be waiting for a cliche to come true, no matter which one they're rooting for and having your friends badger you all the time can confuse you. So keep it simple, and keep it to yourself.

Condition #3: Dating ground rules. Before you even think about getting involved with someone, have the dating discussion. Figure out where you stand and set some ground rules. These are mine: 1) Sex stops if someone makes it to the second date 2) Sex resumes when (and only when) all hope is lost 3) Full disclosure. I don't really need names, I just need 'hey so I went home with some girl last night and I think we had sex but I don't remember much' so I can not sleep with you until you get checked.

Condition #4: Be honest. If he hasn't shaved in three weeks, he's not getting a blow job. Don't say it's fine and do it anyways because it totally isn't. Your entire relationship is centered around sex, so it should be good sex. Don't fall into the typical lies we tell our recurring sex partners (usually because we love them). Set some guidelines, try new things, and don't pretend you like that new thing he read about online if you don't like it. You have no obligations, enjoy yourself.

Sex is a perfectly normal thing to want, and if the relationship thing isn't working out, or you want something a little better than a drunken one night stand, who says a FWB arrangement isn't going to work for you? Figure out what you want, and go for it, because I can honestly say, it isn't the worst idea in the world. And to the disapproving prudes out there I say, try it! Getting laid might do you a world of good.

The Communication Paradox

Communication is a pretty big deal to most people. As technology advances we continue to create more and more ways in which to express ourselves. We have blogs, we post on Facebook, we tweet, we Facetime, post on Tumblr, we even Snapchat - we invest so much time and effort convincing ourselves that somewhere out there, someone gives a shit about how much you want some KD right now. I, like every other person on the planet, desperately need to tell people things. The problem is, a lot of the time the things that I say upset/offend/annoy people - and the more twitter followers I get, the more restricted I am. And so I have this blog. If all goes well I will satiate my need to tell the world how I feel about anything and everything, and the world will never notice. Both private and public, this is my communication paradox.